Okay, it's close to Valentine's Day - tomorrow and this seems like a good time to talk about hearts. Not the paper kind or the ones filled with chocolate, the one that beats inside of every living thing.
I had a conversation with a woman in her 70's yesterday who has lost two husbands. One to assassination and one to cancer. It is coming up on the anniversary of her last husband's death and she was doing a lot of talking about him and the first husband. She said both had left a hole in her heart that would never heal or fill.
My life experience isn't anywhere near hers. I've lost grandparents. I even lost my mother at an early age of 54 to cancer. And though I miss her and think about her everyday - I can't say there is a hole in my heart. Then I think about losing my husband or one of the kids. Would that leave a hole in my heart? An emptiness that only he or they could fill? I don't know. I've always been kind of shallow when it comes to emotions. It took a lot to make me cry until I hit pre-menopause! It takes a lot for me to write emotions.
But this hole in the heart business, had me asking my chapter what their thoughts were on it. I sometimes feel like I'm writing the wrong genre because I don't FEEL. I don't crave hugs and affection. Never have. When my husband and I were first married there were times he'd hug me and I'd push out of his arms. I didn't want touched. According to my mom I was like that as a child too. Some days it was all I could do to stand still while my kids hugged me around the legs. But I did. I know others need that embrace. There are times that embrace makes me crawl out of my skin and want to bolt.
I guess what I'm wondering, is the hole in the heart something most people feel at the loss of a loved one? I would love to hear your responses as it pertains to a story I am writing and would really like to get the character's feelings right.